A bouncer isn't just a bouncer. In fact they are very complex and varied creatures. After an extensive study of the bouncer we have managed to categorise them into the following sections of the bouncer world:

If you spot one of the rare nice guy bouncers at the door of your destination pub/club, you're in for a fair time. These bouncers, if they were not wearing their bouncer gear, could pass as average guys, and will usually give you an easy time entering the pub/club (providing your not completely intoxicated or an obvious chav/ned). They may ask you "Where have you been tonight?", or "How are you doing?", but this is done without any aggression whatsoever, and more often than not will be followed with "Enjoy your night" as you enter the pub/club. These bouncers are only usually found in cities, and tend to be students who have taken on a job while studying.

These bouncers are the scum of the bouncer 'profession', the ones you least want to see on the door of the pub/club you are heading towards. With no logic or reasoning whatsoever, they will take great pleasure in knocking a completely sober person back from a club for being "too drunk", or will tell a well dressed person "I can't let you in dressed like that". These bouncers, who smirk as they knock you back, are the cause of most club doorway arguments, and will respond to questions such as "Why won't you let me in?" with "Because you're being refused entry", or "Step away from the door". There is no arguing with these bouncers, they will not see reason and will always give irrelevant answers to any questions you may ask them. Unfortunately, dickhead bouncers are very common, and can be found in most cities and smalltown pubs/clubs.

Short bouncers, like dickhead bouncers, lack logic and reasoning in their club entry interrogation process. They will quite happily ask you for I.D., scan it for 30 seconds, ask you your date of birth, and then gleefully knock you back. An additional feature of these bouncers is that they have a huge chip on their shoulders, and make up for in aggression what they lack in height. Being knocked back from a club by a dickhead bouncer is infuriating, but being refused entry by a smarmy short bouncer for "Not having the right I.D.", or "You don't look like the type we want here" has an extra sting to it. Again, like dickhead bouncers, these short bouncers are the cause of many club doorway arguments, and due to their illogical arguing approach, cannot be beaten.

The fat bouncer, 99% of which have baldy heads, are mainly found on the doors of clubs rather than pubs. They tend not to be very vocal, and are more for show than anything else. It is a common sight to see a huge fat bouncer standing quietly by a nightclub door while his smaller counterparts interrogate patrons. Fat bouncers will usually remain in this idle state unless violence breaks out. When a fight does occur, these huge bouncers play a key role in breaking it up by literally throwing their weight at the drunken brawlers. Fat bouncers are found mainly in cities, but can occasionally be seen in smalltown pubs/clubs.

Giant bouncers are similiar to fat bouncers, in that their size acts as a deterrant to potential trouble makers, and they are almost always bald. However, giant bouncers tend to be more fair and reasonable than their fat friends when deciding if you're getting into the pub/club. These guys are huge, built like tanks, and know they have power, hence they do not have the same chip on their shoulder that their smaller/fatter colleagues have. And again, like fat bouncers, giant bouncers play a key role in breaking up fights. If a giant bouncer is on the door, he should be approached for the best chance of gaining entry to the pub/club. Giant bouncers will generally be found working at the better clubs of the cities.

The strict bouncer is a jobsworth at heart. While he is not as illogical as most of the other bouncers, he will stick fast to his own interpretation of the club rules, and will not back down to anyone. For example, if you approach this bouncer on the door of an almost empty pub on a sunday night, he will quite happily knock you back for wearing trainers where others would have just let you in. Similiarly, if five men approach him at a club, and only four of them are on the guest list, another bouncer might say "we'll let you all in this time", but not strict bouncer. He'll allow four of them in, while telling the fifth he has to queue (and there's a good chance fifth guy will be knocked back by dickhead bouncer). If strict bouncer is spotted on the door of a club, do not expect any favours whatsoever, and expect to be knocked back for breaching a dress code you never new existed. Strict bouncers can be found in cities and smalltown pubs/clubs.

The young bouncer is a fairly common sight on the doors of clubs, and is characterised by his nervousness and lack of assertion. Due to his lack of experience, the young bouncer is unlikely to knock back aggressive patrons from the pub/club for fear of retribution. Luckily for him, he is always surrounded by several of his more experience colleagues, who will deal with he more difficult patrons, leaving him to the easy task of knocking back students. On the rare occasion that a young bouncer is left on his own at the pub/club door, even the most intoxicated of patrons should have no trouble gaining entry. Young bouncers tend to be found in the cities, where they are put in amongst the more experienced bouncers by their agencies.

The ned/chav bouncer is precisely that, a ned who has become a bouncer. These bouncers are very similiar to dickhead bouncers, in that they lack a sense of reasoning and logic when regulating the entry of people into the pub/club. They are very easy to spot, as despite the fact that they will be wearing the black bouncer gear, their body language and distinct chav speak gives them a way. Although the ned/chav bouncers and dickhead bouncers are simiar in their reasoning, the main difference between them is that the chav bouncers are likely to give you a kicking. In cases where patrons are being unruly, it is not uncommon for the ned/chav bouncers to escort the offender into a back stairwell and kick seven shades of shit out of him. Like true ned/chavs, the ratio is usually five bouncers to one patron. These clever ned bouncers will also always ensure that any CCTV in the vicinity of any beatings was "not filming" at the time.

The ginger bouncer is a rare creature. They will never reach top status in the bouncer world due to their affliction but they do make reasonable bouncers. Not dissimilar to the nice guy bouncer, these guys will do a good job although they do take a lot more abuse from the general public than other bouncers due to their appearance making the job slightly harder than average.

The cool bouncer will generally be found in more trendy night clubs and student unions. They will usually sport some 'cool' spiky hair and equivalent sculpted facial hair. These bouncer find it hard to do a proper job as they are usually too busy chatting up the female patrons of their establishment wether those patrons like it or not. These bouncers see themselves as better than the average bouncer and in fact most of them will not see themselves as bouncers at all as they are simply too cool. It is also important to note that if you talk to one of these bouncers they will feel the need to let you know that they're just doing to the job until they get their carrer in "insert something highly payed here" sorted out.

The african bouncer does the job they are told to do. Unlike their british counterparts (including the black british bouncers who may fall into any of the above categories) they have nothing to prove, have no lust for power and take no pleasure in putting people down. They will simply do a proper job, causing no problems and no aggrivation. These bouncers are only really found in cities and large towns.