From: Hect My most notable bouncer experience occurred in New Zealand. Your typical antipodean bouncer is usually of Pacific Island, Maori, Tongan or Samoan origin, their natural build equipping them perfectly for the job. They tend to act in much the same manner as our native British bouncers, insomuch as they are, generally large and aggressive, unreasonable and sometimes quite dangerous individuals. I made the mistake of intervening between one of these kiwi “doormen”, and a work colleague of mine over a dispute about a bar bill. Displaying a dazzling range of erratically aggressive behavior, this man mountain, went from pinning my friend (a mild mannered, slightly built Australian) against the bar and shouting in his face that he couldn't leave, (despite my offer to pay and take my friend away), to him picking us both up in his big thick arms, marching us through the packed bar and bundling us down a staircase. On a landing, half way down the stairs, the stramash took a turn for the worse when a second bouncer came steaming into the dispute and proceeded to push both us, previously loyal patrons, down the last and very steep set of stairs. At this point the self preservation instinct kicked in, left with no choice but to fight back and given the abundance of glasses in the bar...well I’ll spare you the unpleasant details but bouncer no.1 ended up with 15 stitches, and I with head injuries and 18 months in a New Zealand prison. An “over zealous reaction” on my part, according to the judge. Perhaps you'll be amused to know my cell "mate" for some time was another behemoth of a bouncer from the land down under who, bless him, sympathized with me greatly as he knew the trade well and just how many ar**ho**s are involved in it. Needless to say I wouldn't recommend anyone following my example (especially on foreign soil). Never approach these creatures on their terms. Sometimes you really can’t win.

From: Paul I have had many "great" experiences with doormen at a rock club in glasgow (guess which one). The most recent being when I was allowed back into the club after being barred for a year for telling one of the doormen he had no sense of humour (fair enough i guess). I got thrown out of the place because someone I knew was smoking a joint and said goodbye to me as he was being ejected, then when one of my friends tried to protest my innocence he was dragged into a back stairwell by 3 bouncers who then attempted (but somehow failed, much to my friends credit) to beat him up. As if assaulting my friend for nothing wasn't enough, a few months later I was standing in a kebab shop and one of the same club's bouncers came in and threatened to kill me if i ever came to the club again. Isn't that taking it a bit too far? Threatening to kill me on his own time. Brilliant. Needless to say I have no desire to go back to the club. It wasn't a particularly great place anyway. I urge others to boycott it too. The saga continues.

From: Mack My most memorable bouncer experience occurred in a nightclub, on Sauchihall Street. Me and my mates were getting our jackets near the end of the night when I passed remark that a drunken female ned (whom had been a out of order with my mate)was "a complete cow". This remark was picked up by the female cloak room attendant whom assumed I was talking about her. She informed the bouncers of this perception and further told me I couldn't get my jacket. I explained that it was a misunderstanding and that if i could just get my jacket I would be on my way. They bizarrely said I couldn't get my jacket until the end of the night hence permitting me to remain in the club as a punishment?. strangely the cloak room attendant disappeared and the bouncers ejected my two pals (whom hadn't said anything) leaving me alone with my jacket in view. I preceded to enter the cloak room and retrieve my jacket then the plan was to high tail it out of the hell hole. I was promptly ambushed by a gang of bouncers and taken out the back where i was bent backwards on the ground with a knee blocking my airway. I nearly passed out, I honestly thought I was going to die. They never punched me or kicked me but I was put in severe pain. They let me up shortly after they had let me know who was in charge, I thanked them for their kindness and told them that no jacket was worth this much strife and told the man with the nearest build to me that he could have it. I left with a bitter view of doorstaff, I now see them simply as bully, wannabee hardmen, nuff said. It was a nice jacket too, ..shame.

From: Hez Me and my mate were in a nightclub in Hamilton. We were having a laugh seeing who could do the funniest dance, the nearby bouncer got enfuriated by our harmless antics and grabbed my mate by the throat and told him to stop enjoying himself. Our antics continued which resultes in an 8 man escort out the back stairwell. I sensed where this was going and voiced that if anything happened I would go straight to the police, the fat baldy head bouncer replied to my warning with a punch in the stomach, it was a duff punch so I pointed this out and made him aware that he was fat and baldy several times. We both go swiftly beaten in that stairwell and yes we went to the police whom's intervention was simply to confirm that they were a bad lot. Some folk would say they keep you safe during your time in their establishment, I would say that one of the biggest threats you have are from the bouncers.

From: Big Wully I am a head steward in Glasgow. Although I cannot defend most of my colleagues as they are arrogant and filled with their own self-importance I have been a doorman 5 years in that time I have been assaulted for no reason 17 times. Injuries sustained include 3 broken ribs, a broken hand, broken nose (3 times) and a fractured skull, I am 6'4" and very well built. I have met 100 or so different bouncers and out of that I would say about 25% are ok to talk to and will always try and be fair. Trying to be fair is always quite difficult as is dealing with intoxicated people who become unreasonable due to most bouncer's attitudes, the good bouncers get tarred with the same brush. The reason for this e-mail is to say of an experience I had just after I became head steward where a door steward who absolutely no-one liked (staff and patrons alike) was giving unwanted sexual attention to an 18 year old girl. A doorman noticed this and brought it to my attention I continued to montior this and had a quiet word with the doorman in question he then had a go at the girl for coming to me and proceeded to harass her. What happened next I couldn't believe, the girl who was around 5'6" with a small build, hit the doorman (5'11" med build) and broke his nose with a perfectly placed punch. Unfortunately I had to eject the girl for assaulting a staff memeber but I made it clear she was welcome to come back anytime I only had to take action on that night. As the doorman lost face he wanted police involvment. I convinced him not to involve the police with very simple reasoning, he was guilty of sexual harassment and I said I would inform the police of this if he called them. I hope you all enjoy of hearing about this as much as I enjoyed witnessing it.

From: fighty girl Hi anon, maybe your husband happens to be one of the few decent boun..I mean doormen out there. But in all fairness, I have met numerous doormen in my time that are nasty just for the sake of being nasty. If your husbands job is such the hassle you make it out to be, maybe he should do something else - no-one forced him to go into that career. I have seen doormen throw people out of pubs for being hit, whilst the person that hit them were allowed to stay in. I have seen them turn perfectly sobre & respectable people away, just for the sake of showing off their tiny little piece of power. I have been harassed by a male doorman while using the ladies toilets & when my then boyfriend said something about it, he got a mouthful of abuse. I have seen people been taken out "the back door" of certain nightclubs & saw the results, not pretty! I have been hit on by married doormen from time to time, obviously not smart enough to take the wedding band off. And thats just to name a few. I have met a few really nice doormen in my time, but I'm afraid the majority of those I have met are just horrible horrible people that shouldn't get away with 1/2 the stuff they do.

from: Francis Just last Friday I was out with a few folk from work having a good ol' knees up, later on me and one of my mates left to go meet my sister and her mates in Yates's. Now I had been in and out of nearly every bar in Sauchihall St all night and this "doorman" (4 feet in height) says to us "try somewhere else pal", so i went over to the edge of the pavement and phoned my sister, as I was in the middle of the call, this same bouncer let these wee ned guys in, striped polo shirts, big hoop earings, the lot. Well I was peeved, so I shouted/pleaded "C'mon they're baws haven't dropped yet", which all the bouncers found funny, then my sister came out and asked the head one to let me in, he agreed, so me and my mate walked to the door and the same wee bouncer said "naw, he called me an arsehole", then amazingly the head bouncer said "Naw he didny" and escorted me inside and I had a pretty good night. Just wondering if every club has one bouncer in which all the other bouncers don't like and undermine constantly.

from: anon You really ought to try and be a Doorman (which is their correct title) for an evening and listen to all the foul mouthed, pathetic, foolish looking idiots that they have to deal with. My husband is a Doorman and I sometimes go into town an hour before he has finished and to see you lot making fools of yourselves is embarrassing. You get every excuse for the total idiots that can't take their beer - I've left my coat inside, I've left my phone inside, my girlfriends in there, my mates are inside, I need the toilet, I need the cig machine. The pathetic excuses just keep coming and coming - don't you lot understand, "we are closed"???? Don't you understand that 'no trainers' means no trainers, full stop?? It doesn't matter if you bought them today, or they are your best ones or you've just cleaned them, it doesn’t matter!!! The rules are the rules, set out by the manager, not the door staff. Then what about all the girls who've had three alch-pops are think they are irresistible to doormen??? Throwing themselves at them, trying to kiss them, pestering for telephone numbers!!! It's embarrassing. My husband and I have 5 children - do you really think he finds some young girl, reeking of booze, alchol and cheap perfume attractive?? I think not! I know of around 20 door supervisors and I can't think of one that doesn’t have to go home to a partner and children. Then we have the other lot that can't take their beer, that come out and throw their guts up at doorman’s feet! Would you like to go to work and have that at your feet every time you go?I very much doubt it. Then, there's the ones that have 2 pints and think they can take on world - if they can't, they've always got a dad, brother or uncle that they are going to get that can. I'm sure that if you have a wife/girlfriend/sister or daughter that is attacked in a club, you will be the first to thank them. What if that man/woman who goes to attacks your female loved one wears a cap for instance, who you going to go looking for? You won't be able to identify him from the cctv - they are covered. These door supervisors put up with a hell of a lot to make sure you lot of loutish, immature, pathetic people who can't take their drink, are safe while you are in that particular club. A lady came out of my husbands club the other week, screaming that her handbag had been stolen. One of his colleagues recognised the description, chased them and got the bag back. That was one of you idiots in the wrong, again, that a doorman resolved. Put the shoe on the other foot before you start put door supervisors into your little categories (again, showing how pathetic you really are).

from: fighty girl was leaving a rock club in Glasgow at the end of the night & one of the bouncers (who no longer works there, thankfully) started having a go at me for no reason. I was just queing with my friends to get my coat when he turns round & says "Its always a smart comment with you isn't it?!" I, rather stunned, replied "I didn't say anything." He then said if i got in his way before leaving he would bar me. I got my coat, went to the ladies & when I came out he was standing there & proceeded to tell me I was barred. I was absolutely raging & luckily when I told one of the other bouncers, he stuck up for me & told him he had to apologise (hmmmm I always thought bouncers stuck together)

from: Loopz In Inverness I was out for a few drinks with a business client from Birmingham. He was Asian and wore a turban. We were refused entry to a bar called The Yard by a bouncer who said;

"Sorry, No hats."

from: Wee Wully One time I walked up to the Shack in Glasgow:
bouncer: "not tonight"
me: "why?"
bouncer: "don't think we want your type in here".
me: "whats my type?"
bouncer: "students only".
me: "but im a student *produces card*"
bouncer: "regardless".

that was his arguement. 'Regardless'.

from: Bee SOME bouncers are tossers but not all. Some are lazy gits who let their co-bouncers do all the dirty work while they swan about lookin' 'ard for the ladies (or gents). Some are on massive power trips and use their job merely to bully with a degree of 'legitimacy'. However, some genuinely care about the people in their pub and do consider whether or not having a drunken loon in the pub which you have chosen to spend the evening in would be a particularly pleasurable experience for you. All too often bouncers are blamed for being rude or overly aggressive but you must remember, every time these guys stick on their uniforms and head out with their "stupid looking" mics in their ears, they are putting themselves at risk. OK, some of them incite violence but many just want to see loads of happy wee faces inside the pub! Honest!

from: anon I was standing before anybody queued up at the shack in Glasgow and the bouncers even seen me standing there for a good half-hour. When they opened up and the bouncers let people in I was at the front of the queue. They just said to me "Not tonight". I said back to them "Why?" and they just said back "Not tonight just walk down that road and get to somewhere else". I was totally sober. I think it was because I was by myself or they simply didn't like the look of me. I was *so* embarrased.

from: Lana It was my birthday on Saturday and we went out bout 8.30pm, had to meet mates in bud so went there, ended up having an argument with some girl, chucked out by bouncers who while chuckng me out bruised my arm so I punced him a couple of times, my mate had a fight with another bouncer and we both got lifted and charged with assault then not released until 4am!! How sad is that, 2 fully grown, fat bald bouncers getting 2 young lassies charged with assault, are they for fuckin real?!!

from: honey Are all bouncers tossers? It's actually a good question to ask because most people think that "bouncers" spend their days at the gym, they think that the guys/girls are dicks and dont give a shit, that they knock people back for fun but they are far from the truth. Most of them are the kindest nicest people and are only doin their jobs. When you are in a club, its up to them to watch over everyone and make sure they are safe. You call them every name under the sun and some even start fights at the door because they get knocked back but its not that when someone starts a fight with you in the club and its the bouncers who jump in and help you.

from: Gemma In the pub on Saturday night, playing pool with 3 of my mates. I'm 20, other 2 are 20 and the other 18.

Been in the pub for over an hour, drinking merrily (sp?)...

bouncer : oi, you two come here - pointing at me & my mate (who'll be 21 in April!)
me : yeah
bouncer : age?
me : *laughs* you being serious, 20! mate : 20
bouncer : don't believe you, ID please *gets ID*
bouncer : Miss XX are you sure this passports real?
mate : positive, I put it in the washing machine when I was drunk, I use that as ID now & have another at home
me : *laughing*
bouncer 2 : lets see yours
*hand over passport*
bouncer 2 : *laughs* sure this is yours?
me : *stare* yes
*get ID back*
bouncer : thanks ladies, enjoy your night

NOW, the same two friggin bouncers where standing outside when we went in, how the feck did they not ID us then instead of being pricks and shouting across the pub at us for ID! Know they where only doing their job but why over an hour after we'd been in the pub !!

from: anon Me and my mates where at the Garage 2 weeks ago the following weekend we decided to go back, only to be refused at the door, now i can see the relevance with my student ID although i was in the week b4 and im 20!!! but my mates passport was refused and the excuse given was "it doesnae very much look like u" id like to know why she can skip countrys with a passport but cant get into the garage. Bouncers r gettin so annoyong that its putting alot of people off, i know when im out for a good night the last thing i want 2 deal with is a premenstral bouncer. They all got 2 sort out their acts this wsnt the 1st club or pub my gang of freind encountered a problem with. Sort it now bouncers

from: anon Last month four friends and myself, 3 guys and 2 girls, popped in to an Irish bar in Glasgow. After about 30 minutes one of the stewards came over and told the guys to calm down as they were singing too loudly. The next thing this big beast of a bouncer had my friend clean off his feet, carried him to the front door, and threw him like a ragdoll halfway out to the middle of the street! All this was in full view of the whole of the pub, and the explanation given was that his behavior was threatening and abusive towards the other steward. Its just aswell my friend isn't a small guy because with the force that was used he could been seriously hurt. The funny thing was that the sadistic fucker was quite friendly on the way in, unlike the bouncers around the corner in the shithole that is Walkabout, that act all discerning and dish out a lot of verbal, but still let gangs of nutters in. After an irate call to the manager of the pub, the headcase gorilla is still there. Just goes to show you. Methinks we'll stick to the merchant city where the bouncers are small and friendly, and aren't into breaking punters necks.

from: anon Me and a group of friends approached the social where I was confronted by two bouncers , bouncer 1 seemed to be opening the door gesturing that we were to walk in, as i did, bouncer 2 came out with "sorry guys your going to need to find sumwhere else tonight"
to which i replied "sorry have we done something wrong"
he replied "regulars only tonight"

now as you can imagine when phrases like this are used by bouncers who are complete dicks who stand on the door of a pub trying to show that they have authority, you tend to get slightly pissed off,but I kept my cool and decided to just go to belo instead, until all of a sudden one of my mates started talking to bouncer no. 1, he then allowed us to go in. Now can anyone explain why ****wits like that work for a company like G1 and use phrases like the one stated above just as any normal person wuld use the phrase please or thank you, I mean theres no need for it , ESPECIALLY in a pub when it was a Sunday night and it wasnt even that busy, the bouncer completly made an arse of the situation